The Heaviness of Addiction: It’s Not a Choice

Let’s start with truth: no one chooses addiction.

No one wakes up one day and says, “I want to destroy my life, my relationships, my peace.”

Stigma says: “You chose to use.”

Reality says: “Something in your life set you up as a prime candidate for addiction.”

My Story: What Looked Like Fun Was Really Escape

When I first started to address addiction in my life, I thought cocaine was my problem.

But when I started peeling back the layers of pain, I realized my battle didn’t begin there. It began in my youth — with alcohol. What started as “just having fun” was really the first step toward escape. Escape from pain. Escape from trauma. Escape from myself.

As I got older, drinking became socially acceptable. I convinced myself that I didn’t have a problem — after all, everybody drank, right? Then came the prescription pills. They were legal, handed to me by a doctor. So how could I have a problem with something that came in a bottle with my name on it?

The truth? I was functioning — but not living. I was surviving — but not free.

By the time cocaine entered my life, my mind, body, and spirit were already conditioned to depend on something external to cope. I was a prime candidate to spiral down the wormhole of addiction.

The Dark Places Addiction Takes You

Addiction isn’t just a physical battle — it’s mental warfare.

It takes you to places darker than you ever thought you’d go:

• You wake up every day saying, “Today I’ll stop,” but by nightfall, the craving wins.

• You lie to the people you love because shame tells you they’ll never understand.

• You isolate yourself, hiding from the world and from your own reflection.

• You begin to believe the lie that you are your addiction — that this is all you’ll ever be.

That’s the mind of an addict — a constant back-and-forth between wanting freedom and being chained to the thing that’s killing you.

But here’s the truth I need you to hear: you are not the disease. You are not your worst day, your relapse, or your past decisions. You are a human being fighting a very real spiritual, emotional, and physical battle — and hope still exists.

To the Addict: Don’t Give Up

You are not alone.

You are not beyond help.

You are not too far gone.

Addiction may whisper, “You’ll never change,” but faith says, “You can be made new.”

It starts with honesty — being real about what you’re feeling and seeking help without shame.

Recovery isn’t instant, and it isn’t perfect. You’ll fall. You’ll rise. You’ll rebuild. But every day you choose life is a victory.

To the People Who Judge

If you’ve never walked in the shoes of an addict, tread lightly.

You don’t know everyone’s story. You don’t know the pain that led them to that first drink, pill, or hit. Educate yourself before you speak. And if you can’t do that — keep your mouth closed.

Because your judgment doesn’t heal anyone. It only adds fuel to the fire of shame and stigma that keeps people silent and sick. Compassion changes more lives than criticism ever will.

Coping Without Substances: The Hard Work of Healing

Recovery means facing life head-on without the mask of substances — and that’s hard work. Here are some strategies that helped me (and might help you too):

1. Get Honest With Yourself.

Denial is comfortable, but it keeps you bound. Honesty is the first step to freedom.

2. Seek Support.

Whether it’s a recovery program, therapy, church, or a trusted friend — don’t do this alone.

3. Replace the Habit With Healing.

Fill your time and mind with things that restore you — prayer, journaling, exercise, service, or art.

4. Set Boundaries.

Protect your peace. Some environments and relationships will trigger you — learn to say no.

5. Stay Connected to God.

Healing is hard, but with God, it’s possible. Let His grace meet you where your strength ends.

Recovery Looks Different for Everyone

There’s no one-size-fits-all version of recovery. For some, it’s a program. For others, it’s faith, therapy, or a combination of both. The beauty is — you get to define what recovery looks like for you.

My life today doesn’t look like the life I once lived — and that’s the testimony.

If I can make it out, you can too.