I MISS HER

I Miss Her

By Tonia | Tonia Talks Now

There are days when my heart still feels shattered. On August 8th, 2021, my daughter, Gina, was killed in a car accident. She was 29 years old. Those words still feel unreal when I say them out loud. The pain I felt in that moment was indescribable — but the anguish I’ve felt since then has been even harder to bear.

If you’ve ever lost someone close to you, you understand that grief is not a moment — it’s a journey. Some days you find the strength to smile; other days, you struggle just to breathe. Not one day goes by that I don’t think of her.

The Day Everything Changed

It was a late morning when Gina’s life was taken. She had just left work after an overnight shift and was driving down a narrow country road. As she came around a curve, her vehicle crossed into the oncoming lane. At that very moment, a FedEx truck came around the bend. The impact was head-on, and Gina was killed instantly.

Her two-year-old son was in the car. Nearly every inch of her vehicle was destroyed — except for one thing. The door leading to her child was untouched. He survived without life-threatening injuries. The other driver survived, too.

Memories and Regrets

I miss her smile — the way her energy could light up a room, how her laughter filled the air and made even ordinary moments feel special. But I also carry memories that bring pain. There are times I think about what I could have done differently — the days I was too busy, the times we disagreed, the moments I wish I could go back and change.

Conversations I’ll Never Forget

It hurts to admit this, but Gina once told me she didn’t think she would live long enough to raise her son. She even discussed with me how she didn’t want him to forget her if she ever died. At the time, I laughed it off — brushing it away as one of those strange, passing thoughts that young mothers sometimes have.

But now, looking back, I wish I had listened a little closer. That memory still pierces my heart, and I often feel guilty for not taking her words seriously. Maybe if I had, I tell myself, I could have prepared in some way. But the truth is, you can never be prepared for that kind of loss.

One of Gina’s favorite songs was “I Can Only Imagine” by MercyMe. She loved to sing it — especially the part that says:

“Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel?

Will I dance for You, Jesus, or in awe of You be still?

Will I stand in Your presence, or to my knees will I fall?

Will I sing hallelujah?

Will I be able to speak at all?

I can only imagine”

She would sing those lyrics and ask me, what did I think it would be like.  I find peace in knowing that whatever it was like for her, she was prepared.  She loved God and had Jesus in her heart.

Healing through Questions

I’ve asked God so many times, Why? Why did they live, but she didn’t? But over time, He’s taught me to shift that question. Instead of focusing on what I lost, I began to thank Him for what was spared. It doesn’t erase the pain — but it transforms it.

Questioning God doesn’t mean doubting God.  It means you have a real relationship with Him — one where you can bring your pain, your anger, and your confusion to His feet. Throughout Scripture, people cried out to God with hard questions — and each time, He responded with love, not condemnation.

If you can’t bring the real you to God — the broken, weeping, questioning you — then what’s the point? He already knows who you are, what you’ve been through, and what you’re feeling. He loves you through it all and desires to heal the parts of you that grief has shattered.

Finding Peace in the Promise

Grief is different for everyone. There’s no quick fix, no clear path, and no timeline for healing. Some days the pain feels unbearable, and other days, the memories bring a gentle peace. Anger, doubt, and deep sadness are all part of the process — they don’t mean you lack faith; they mean you loved deeply. What’s most important is to acknowledge your feelings, seek support, and allow yourself the space to heal. Bring your hurt to God, because if you don’t give Him your pain, He can’t heal it. Healing doesn’t happen all at once, but little by little, through His grace, you’ll begin to breathe again — and even in the midst of grief, you’ll see glimpses of His peace until finally that peace overwhelms you and his abundance flows through you.

If you’ve lost someone you love, please know that you are not alone. Your story matters. Your tears matter. And your healing matters. I invite you to continue to visit my website and blog at www.ToniaTalksNow.com, where I share more about my journey through life’s hardest moments, faith, and finding hope again. Together, we can walk this path of healing — one step, one prayer, one day at a time.