Holidays Are Hard: My Honest Journey Through a Season That Isn’t Always Merry

Holidays are supposed to be full of joy, warmth, family, and gratitude… right?

That’s what the world tells us.

But the truth? The holidays are hard for me. Really hard.

And I’m learning that it’s okay to say that out loud.

For most people, this season is centered around family. And if I’m being completely honest, that’s exactly where my struggle begins. The family that’s missing…my mom, my daughter, my dad…. the family that’s present but carries memories I wish I could rewrite… the family I’ve hurt… the family that’s hurt me… the family I never slowed down long enough to truly know.

It all hits different during the holidays.

And if I’m not careful, it’s easy for me to slip into a self-made pit filled with guilt, regret, loneliness, and yes—even a little self-pity.

Now, before anybody says, “Tonia, this sounds like a woe-is-me moment…”

Let me stop you right there.

This is not about pity.

This is about honesty.

This is about pulling the mask off.

This is about sharing my journey in a way that says:

Yep, I’m human.

Yep, I don’t always have it all together.

Yep, even on days when I’m supposed to feel grateful… I struggle to follow my own advice.

But here’s the part I refuse to compromise on:

I won’t live in a place that doesn’t acknowledge my feelings — but I also refuse to live in a place I was only meant to visit.

I may visit frustration.

I may visit disappointment.

I may visit discouragement.

But I do. not. live. there.

And that mindset has saved my life more than once.

Consistently Victorious (Not Constantly Perfect)

Look, I struggle. I really do.

But even in the struggle, I walk in victory — consistently, not constantly.

There’s a difference.

Constantly means never slipping, never failing, never having a bad day.

Consistently means I may fall… but I get back up.

It means I don’t surrender to my emotions permanently.

It means I know Who to lean on when I can’t trust myself.

Because here’s the truth:

When I take my eyes off me and put them back on Jesus — that’s where my stability comes from.

He’s the perfect One.

He’s the steady One.

He’s the One who walks with me into rooms filled with memories, tension, forgiveness, and sometimes awkward silence.

So today, I’m choosing — intentionally — to lean on Him and not drown in my feelings.

The Feelings I Don’t Always Admit Out Loud

Let me name them, because naming them gives them less power:

• Feelings of fear — of rejection.

• Feelings of unworthiness.

• Feelings of insecurity.

• Feelings of regret.

• Feelings of abandonment.

• Feelings of embarrassment.

• Feelings of temptation… to numb, to escape, to fall back into old patterns.

Those feelings don’t care that the calendar says “holiday season.”

They show up anyway.

Walking Into Thanksgiving With Intention

This year, I’m having Thanksgiving dinner with my husband’s family. And with that comes a mix of emotions:

Some at that table I’ve hurt — directly and indirectly.

Some at that table have hurt me — through lack of support, through gossip during my lowest moments.

Some have been neutral — people I simply never invested the time to truly know, even though love and connection were available.

But this year?

I’m holding myself accountable to the same words I’ve shared with all of you — the words in my blogs, the advice I give others, the wisdom God keeps whispering to me even when I don’t want to hear it.

Be grateful.

Let go of the past.

Don’t overthink it.

Focus on the positive.

Live in the moment.

Remember who you are — because of Whose you are.

I’m choosing to walk into Thanksgiving not as the woman I used to be… not as the woman my past tried to label me as… but as the woman God is forming me into right now.

Imperfect.

Growing.

Healing.

Brave.

Loved.

His.

And even when the holidays are hard… I’m still here.

Still showing up.

Still becoming.

And that, my friend, is victory.

Here’s a few Reflection Questions for you:

1. What emotions do the holidays bring up for me, and which ones am I most afraid to acknowledge out loud?

2. Who or what triggers feelings of guilt, regret, or sadness during this season—and why?

3. Where have I grown since last year, and how can I show myself grace for the areas I’m still healing?

4. What intentional choices can I make to show up differently this holiday—emotionally, spiritually, or relationally?

5. How can I keep my focus on Jesus when old patterns, old memories, or old versions of myself try to resurface?

Here’s a prayer for you and for me:

Lord,

As we walk into a season that is supposed to be joyful but often feels heavy, I lift up both myself and every person reading these words. You see the emotions we try to hide, the memories that sting, and the fears that rise up when the holidays come around. You know the family tension, the empty chairs, the guilt, the regrets, the unmet expectations, and the wounds that haven’t fully healed.

Father, remind us that acknowledging our feelings doesn’t make us weak—it makes us honest. But don’t let us stay in the places we were only meant to visit. Pull us out of discouragement, out of self-pity, out of fear, and anchor us in Your truth.

Cover our minds with peace.

Cover our hearts with courage.

Cover our spirits with grace.

Teach us to show up with humility, with forgiveness, and with patience for ourselves and others.

Lord, help us walk into rooms where our past is known but our growth is not always seen. Help us hold our heads up—not in pride, but in purpose. Help us release the old stories and step boldly into who You are shaping us to be.

Let this season be different. Not perfect, but redeemed. Not painless, but purposeful. Not heavy, but holy. Strengthen us, steady us, and remind us that victory is not about being flawless—it’s about being faithful.

We thank You for your peace , the healing that’s unfolding, and the strength You’re giving us to show up even when it’s hard.

In Jesus name, Amen.