From the Edge to the Light: My Story of Fighting Through Thoughts of Suicide

There was a time I didn’t want to live anymore.

I don’t say that lightly. I say it because suicide is real, and for a long time, it was a very real thought in my life.

I remember moments when the weight of living felt unbearable — when my mind convinced me that life had nothing good left for me. I felt insecure, unworthy, and invisible. I told myself, “I have nothing to offer anyone — not even my family.”

When you let a thought like that dwell long enough in your mind, it begins to take root. It starts whispering lies louder than truth, and before long, it overtakes your being. I was terrified to tell anyone what I was feeling. I didn’t want to be laughed at, judged, or labeled as “crazy.” So I suffered in silence.

I remember standing on the side of a major highway, tears blurring my vision as trucks flew by. Each one carried a dark temptation — a whisper that said, “Just do it. Step out. It will all be over.” I felt the rush of air pull at me as an eighteen-wheeler sped past, and I leaned into it, believing for a moment that maybe peace could come through the wind.

Those were some of my darkest days.

If you had asked me why, I couldn’t have told you.

It wasn’t the job loss.

It wasn’t the bankruptcy.

It wasn’t the failed business, or even the reality of being homeless more than once.

It was something deeper — an invisible heaviness that made me feel like I didn’t matter. I didn’t like myself, but I couldn’t even pinpoint why. I just knew I didn’t feel worth loving… because I didn’t love me.

Over the years, I made several attempts to end my life. Pills. A razor blade. Crisis centers. Hospitals. And while I heard a lot of advice — “pray more,” “read more,” “have more faith,” “just snap out of it” — it wasn’t that simple.

Because when your mind is at war, even prayer feels like a whisper in a hurricane.

But Here’s the Truth: I’m Still Here. And So Are You.

Somewhere in that darkness, God kept pulling me back. Sometimes through a person. Sometimes through a song. Sometimes through the simple fact that I failed at my attempt — and that failure was grace.

God didn’t just save me from death; He saved me for life.

And over time, I learned that countering the mind requires both faith and intentional action. Here are a few things that helped me climb out of that pit — and still help me today when life feels heavy:

1. Speak Life — Even When You Don’t Feel It

The mind will replay lies on repeat if you let it.

So I started fighting back with truth — God’s truth.

When I heard “You’re worthless,” I began saying, “I am fearfully and wonderfully made.”

When I felt unseen, I declared, “God knows my name.”

When I felt hopeless, I reminded myself, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted.”

You may not feel it at first, but speaking life opens the door for faith to enter.

2. Reach Out — Even When It’s Hard

Isolation feeds suicidal thoughts. Connection weakens them.

I had to learn to tell the truth about what I was feeling — even if my voice shook. Talk to a pastor, a counselor, a friend.

Sometimes God’s healing flows through people who care enough to listen.

3. Shift the Focus

Every time I thought about ending my life, it was because I couldn’t see beyond my pain. But the more I started serving others — encouraging, volunteering, helping — I began to see that my life did carry value.

Purpose doesn’t erase pain overnight, but it gives the pain a place to go.

4. Keep the Faith, Even When You Can’t Feel It

Faith isn’t pretending everything’s okay. It’s believing that God is still working when everything looks broken.

Even when I was at my lowest, God was in the room.

Even when I wanted to die, He was whispering, “Not yet — there’s more for you.”

5. Remember: Feelings Are Real, But They Aren’t Final

The pain you feel is valid. But it’s not the end of your story.

I’m living proof that the same mind that told me I had no reason to live is now being used to speak life into others. That’s redemption.

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If you’re reading this and wrestling with dark thoughts, please — don’t suffer in silence.

Reach out for help. Talk to someone today.

Call the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (you can call or text 988 anytime, 24/7).

You are not weak for needing help. You are human.

And even when you feel forgotten, God has not forgotten you.

You still have purpose. You still have value. And your story is not over.

Because if God could pull me out of that pit, He can pull you out too.

And one day, you’ll look back — not with shame, but with strength — and realize that what tried to take you out became the reason you learned to fight back.

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💬 Let’s Talk:

Have you or someone you love ever battled thoughts of suicide?

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